Look at Life –
In the Available Light
“No Snow, No Problem” Provo, Utah June 1992
Hello Friend,
It’s one of those memories where I knew there was something better for me to say, but I didn’t put it together like I should have.
It was the summer of 1990. I was in the middle of my internship after graduating from the University of Missouri School of Journalism. I was working for photography legend Rich Clarkson. We were at a dinner in between his summer workshops. At a large table with Clarkson were some of the time’s top photographers and editors, some of his staff, the other intern and me. We were going around the table giving little toasts. Because I wasn’t sure what to say, I bumbled through something like, “I hope you all have a very good day.” Or something similarly lame.
What was running through my mind was something a little more poetic: “May you chase the wind around the world, and may you look at life – in the available light.” These were a slight change to the lyrics from the Rush song “Available Light.” To a bunch of photographers, I thought this would have been cool, but I just could not get the lyrics in my head to come together right, so I just bailed. Did it really change anything in the trajectory of my life, most likely not, but it’s still there in my head as a missed opportunity.
Though, more importantly, the idea of looking at life “in the available light” has stuck with me over the years as a photographer and as a person. The photo side of things is pretty easy to put together. As a photojournalist I was almost always at the mercy of what light was available to me in each situation at the time. Rarely did I use on-camera fill flash, and maybe only a couple of times a year did I ever use any type of studio lighting. Could I use it? Yes. Was I pretty good with it? Yes. Was I drawn to it? No.
“Purple Lily and Green Fern” Chicago Botanic Garden, August 2025
There was something about trying to work within the situation handed to me, that got my creativity going. Like finding a snowboarder practicing on a rock pile right in the middle of the day in June. Not considered the best light, but it’s what was available at the time. And it wasn’t like I could ask him to come back later “when the light was better.” Even in some of the worst-lit gyms and arenas, I tried to find a way to work with the light that I was given. I take this same mentality when I go out into the field now as a nature and landscape photographer. I am in awe of the photographers who can find a scene, think of the potential and set up some lights – large or very small – to make the scene come alive the way they were envisioning. Me? I just don’t think that way.
I just love the challenge of coming across something that gets my attention, and then figuring out how to use all the tools of my camera and in my head to create the image I want. With more then 40 years of photography, my creative list of ideas is pretty darn long. And there have been times that I take too long running through the possibilities, and light has changed to something else. When the straightforward, documentary photo would have captured what I was seeing in a nice way. Instead, I got nothing and now need to move on to the next thing…
I’ll use this situation as a little segue to how I try to look at my life “In the Available Light.” I’m really no different than anyone else in that I look at my past, and think about what might have been. (Just like the opening of this blog.) That I look to the future and think about what might happen. About the things I could buy, the places I could go, the works I could make, the life I could have…
“A Rock in the Stained Glass” West Fork of the Eno River, NC November 2025
Even when I try to be in the present moment looking at the light available to me, my thoughts can get clouded by the might have beens and the might happens. I do know that thinking about the past won’t change it, but I still do it a lot. And what’s more important is what I am doing now, that might help shape the future I would like to make happen. Even then, if we do all “the right things” there is still no way to ensure the future will arrive as we would expect or like it to. So, what do we have? We have the present moment with the light that is available to us with the thoughts we have at that time.
There is still a part of me that has the desire to be the striver, the one that accomplishes everything I want and gets all the things I can imagine. Then there is the part of me I have been working on for many years, that looks at my life in the light that is available to me at that moment, and works with what I have. Because of a number of reasons, both external and internal, much of that striver mentality has been put aside. I still push my self pretty hard to get better, but the external “things” are not that important to me.
I think part of this started to take shape back in 2009-10. I was laid off for 10 months during that time. Even looking for work eight hours a day, there just were not that many options. I applied for hundreds of jobs, and even for more entry level positions, I was turned down. It seemed the MBA I worked hard to get a few years earlier made me “overqualified”. Yes, the light was much dimmer during this time, though it did help set in motion a desire for my wife and me to look at our priorities. So, when I was rehired by my old company, I continued to look for a new career, since sales was just not the path I wanted to remain on.
“Charlie’s Paintbrushes by Window Light ” Hillsborough, NC, November 2025
After finding my current position with a more stable company, it freed us up to pursue other avenues. My wife was able to go back to college and I started exploring photography again. Since we were a one-income family during the last four years of my wife’s schooling, the priorities were doing inexpensive things to spend time together when we could, such as camping at local parks and car trips to see family.
In the middle of this time, I was able to upgrade my camera gear a little. Though, camera gear has always been just a tool for me, not a status symbol. I buy only what I think I can use well, and keep it for years. No reason to upgrade just to upgrade in the hopes I would impress other people. I like to learn with the tools at hand, and learn them well. When I start noticing I’m hitting creative walls that my tools can’t manage, then I’ll consider something new. And it usually takes me a while before that even happens.
Same thing for where I live. We’ve lived in our home in Aiken for more than 20 years. As the light is changing a bit in our lives, we could move to a new place, or fix up this one a bit. Since my wife and I are pretty settled in our little home, we’ll fix this one. Again, upgrading to upgrade just isn’t that interesting to us.
There are a few other factors that I think have also helped me better look at the world around me in the available light, and not the false light of illusion. Money issues for sure has force me to look closer at what’s important. As things lighten up, our plan is to not focus on adding more stuff in our lives, but to be able to stay healthy and enjoy doing things together. Part of this shift is getting older and noticing buying stuff never made me happy, doing things does.
“A Crowded Bench” Chicago Botanic Garden, August 2025
The other factors are what I have been trying to spend my time reading and watching, and the who I have been trying to surround myself with. By finding books and content that I believe are helping me get a handle on how I can be a better person, has helped me appreciate more the present moment. Ideas such as planning for the future, but not trying to live there before it arrives. As well as not dwelling so much on past mistakes and even past glories.
I am lucky enough to have a large and supportive family. Over the past few years, I have tried to build on that. I go out of my way to include the people I wanted to interact with, and minimize the time with those that are not very nice. I look for people who seemed to be pushing themselves creatively, and at the same time they were supporting and promoting others. (See a prior blog “Tearing You Down vs. Building You Up”) It’s still a work in progress, though I am getting better at not looking at other photographers and artists as competitors, but as collaborators and supporters. To do that, I need to be a better collaborator and supporter back to them. This way we all add a little more available light to the world.
My final thought on this is: Our past light helps illuminate who we are today, but the future light has not yet arrived. We only have the available light of this present moment to show us the world around us and the person we are right now.
Thank you and keep creating what you do.
Patrick Krohn
May 2026